OK. I know it might be that Naval Ravikant influenced the experience that I had tonight. But I can't still believe it was possible. I was about to sleep, but I thought of pulling an all-nighter to read a book I bought yesterday about probability. And then I thought of meditating first, as I am trying to live spontaneously, and tried to do it without my go-to guided meditations. I challenged myself, how about... because I've experienced meditating short and long sessions with paraphernalia, how about meditating with nothing for an hour? And yes I did.
The point really of meditation for those who don't know a thing or would want to know about it is that it's just actually the act of doing nothing. We try to intervene, and inject tons of tips and tricks, which track should we use, which celebrity to guide with, maybe it be Sam Harris or Vishen Lakhiani, and 'hacks' to reach that 'peace of mind' and really what we're doing is missing the point on purpose. Via Negativa.
Well there's nothing wrong with doing it with them, it's not that it's bad, but what if there's a better way? (P.S, Vishen was one of the people who removed my barrier to entry with the intimidating silence (meditation) because he's very welcoming and affirmational, but Sam Harris really is one of the guides that talked me through it and made me realize that it's all about the silence.) Ok enough word salad.
I sat down. I closed my eyes and started the meditation.
As always, the hardest part is the starting phase. The chimps in your brain goes ''hoo-hoo-haa-haa" non stop and is talking about a lot of things back and forth. Also my girlfriend was awake and while tinkering with her phone there was some notification sound (in which I'm really allergic to) so it challenged me a bit, I accepted it. And to be frank, it was very hard to surrender. I got to different stories and even lost in a scenario where I was interviewed by someone (that would be my ego indulging me). And I surrendered. Not in a heroic way that you might be thinking... but just surrender as is. I just rested and thought "Every thought I get, I will welcome. I will not judge, I will just let it pass." that kind of schmuck-ism.
And suddenly, I got the visuals. Not as strong as the psilocybin (wink wink), but it was something amazing that I felt. I haven't felt that ever since. I've been sober to everything for almost a year (yee-haw) and that made me think twice about my streak. Hahahah.
It wasn't all gold though. I also pictured one weird shaped woman and again some geometric shapes that we usually see when we're on a trip. I also pictured a picasso-like animation in black and white but with very angry personalities like I'm on a Mad Max movie directed by Picasso.
And after that...
Remember playing Call of Duty or Counter Strike as a kid? Remember being thrown a flashbang? That's what happened next. It was pure bliss of silence and light. The problem I had was I felt like my ear was clogged so I was convinced that it affected the flashbang part of the session. What was the effect? It's like my vision was cut and half. The right ear (the clogged) was in dark gray and the other one was in white.
Then I remember one of the trips I had when I felt spirits inside our house that scared my then partner at that time so I had to time my meditation session because I feel like there's someone beside me and to not experience the same scenario. But really, the thought that kept on repeating on the flashbang session was "It all will lead to death, something that we are really afraid of, and we have to welcome it by being in the present." As someone who has a very short attention span and tends to get bored all the time, this hits hard.
It was very fun.
Contemplation by Alex Grey.
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