But neglect and not feeling reciprocated makes it go the other way around. Is love really about choice? Or does it revolve around attraction? sometimes my mind goes wherever, looking for answers that even I have no idea about.
Whenever I think bad about relationships the first thing that comes into mind is evolutionary psychology and it drives me nuts. Of course, it makes me accept that we all have differences and needs, but it’s really an awful idea to think about. Esther Perel wrote a great book and has gave a very beautiful talk regarding attraction, cheating and long term relationships.
Imagine, even being in an 8 year relationship and knowing Esther, it still made me keep the relationship even though it wasn’t giving me what I deserve. And my then partner on the other hand also had no idea why she’s out of control.
I have so many angles from the evolutionary standpoint in mind. But this is where I’m truly grateful with the idea that maybe… maybe reality is subjective. Or it makes me at ease to think about how limited our mind is so we only think about what we'd like to focus on, but at the same time makes me worry that this will lead to confirming (confirmation bias) the negative outcome.
Having more than one mental model can really help you not to break down and blame evolution, god or even the world.
Whatever the outcome will be, I’m still me. I give value to a relationship and that’s the truth. If it doesn’t serve us anymore, we should have the courage to end it.
But if you want to make it grow, don't forget to water it consistently.
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