“Missing a train is only painful if you run after it! Likewise, not matching the idea of success others expect from you is only painful if that’s what you are seeking.” - Nassim Nicholas Taleb, The Black Swan
For me, 2022 so far has been an incredible and beautiful experience. I was able to travel with my partner and meet new people, but I also made myself uncomfortable and became more secluded.
If this was French 4 years ago, I would have been very angry with this situation given that I have to make 'connections' (whatever that is) and make my practice 'known'
What I was doing before was trying to win arguments. Trying to win narratives. Fitting myself as the 'best' instead of actually winning. Even though I don't want to downplay myself and put some false humility, it's true that I did win some of the games I played, but I wasn't really satisfied. Or Content. I think that's the word I'm looking for.
Now, I've put myself in a situation where there's more flow into my life. Sure, there will be ups and downs (and I'm welcoming the downs more) because they are inevitable. It's our brain trying to balance everything out. When you're very motivated, your dopamine spikes up and crashes back to it's baseline level as long as you're not addicted to something.
Point is, I don't want to struggle to "get to something" anymore.
Maybe I'm reaching towards the understanding that We're All Gonna Die Anyway.
Maybe it's because I've pulled myself away from people that made me question about what I'm capable of,
Maybe it's understanding (not memorizing) all the things I've learned through books, people and characters.
Maybe it's that filter that I've put into my thinking, that nothing is missing in this moment.
Maybe it's the compounded effect from meditation (look I'm signaling again), maybe it's martial arts? Jiujitsu? Muay Thai?
Maybe it's because I'm with the right people this time, or maybe I just don't care anymore as long as I'm happy with the person I'm looking at in the mirror. Maybe because I've reached the top once and found out fame and status alone won't make you happy. If it does, then the cavemen must be so unhappy back then. But I don't think they all are.
Not that I don't want them. I'm not a monk. Sure, there's benefit to it because if it didn't have any, then why are we doing it in the first place.
I have no idea to be honest.
All I know is that nothing is missing in this moment. I don't care anymore if I'm gonna be number 1, 2 or 3.
Speaking of not caring, I was reminded of a quote from Warren Buffet to end this piece. Here you go:
Would you rather be the world’s greatest lover, but have everyone think you’re the world’s worst lover? Or would you rather be the world’s worst lover but have everyone think you’re the world’s greatest lover?
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