Happiness is a state where nothing is missing. Happiness, is fleeting. I could say that I'm a happier person now. Or I can tap into it more so than before. Before I take down some of the things that made me a happy person, I must say it was a choice that's made that I will be one. And I will accept whatever that's needed to to be. Acceptance is a very strong word. It's a tough pill to swallow. But once you get it to it's core, you'll know that you're there. The same as searching for truth and understanding, you will feel it once it is there.
Here are some of the things and ideas that helped me become more happier.
5 Chimps Theory: You are the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with. I think it's true. It may not be, but it really did work for me. The more I consciously free up my schedule and select better authors/speakers, the more I became more friendlier to myself. If I spend my whole week with a cynic, I can't help but be one. That's not to say that I am flawless, I have my fair share of traits that must not be mirrored by an acquaintance but it really helped me gain clarity and not get pushed back by any obstacles. Even the serious ones.
Choiceless awareness: J. Krishnamurti talks about how the observer and the observed is one. How in just a snap of a finger, one can change. Revolution through freeing yourself from your self. From the me. Look at a tree. Now try to look at it without an image. Without saying that it is a tree. It's a very hard practice, one must not even practice. There is no should. But it's really a helpful tool while coasting through life. It's the journey to the unknown. To remove knowledge. To die everyday. It has the same idea with stoics' "What is up to us, what is not up to us" but Jiddu made it more profound by not introducing a concept. It helped me remove some of the fears I had with losing.
Charlie Munger is Right: I have found the love of my life when I was at my best. And even at my worst. But really the right phrase would be, I found her when I am in my truest self. And this has been the greatest love I have experienced in my entire life. The moment we lose touch with control and forcing to make the relationship happen, the more we got closer to each other. I can't stress this enough, but I will always believe in what Ryan Holiday wrote before. I got into less conflict and unnecessary drama, I became more free, and even more content, there was so much room for love in our relationship. We don't force each other to become someone that we're not. We don't even look at our flaws. In 7 months, I haven't zoomed in on the flaws that my partner might have. Because there was no red flags to begin with. Our values mattered more than everything. There is flow.
Acceptance: Most of the suffering that we get out of life is by wishing what should be instead of looking what is. Whenever there's a setback, I get angry because the thought of "I could have, I should have & I would have" comes to mind. There's a lot of things that happened in my life that the three "I's" would have been very helpful. But that's hindsight bias. Accepting that it happened helped me understood what went wrong, how uncertainty was also part of it, what I can improve upon the situation if it arises again, and how I could respond to make this event or situation positive. Truth is harsh, but it is beautiful once understood.
Internal Scorecard: There was a time that I lost so much and someone I know was hitting it big time. I envied him for days, but I'm very surprised that the emotion went down. I realized, I am happy for him and I should be. But I now ask myself if I get envy towards someone, that if given the chance if you're really wishing to be him would you trade places with him? and the answer would be most of the time a hard "No". I then became more grateful with what I have. Because this is mine. Truly.
We're all gonna die anyway: Think about it... after 10 years, I'll be 34. After another 10, 44. That's only my age. What about my father? when I get to the age of 44, he'll be around 74. Life is VERY short. It's absurdly weird thinking everything I do won't matter. We try so hard to compete, play games with people we don't like, try to make ourselves important and immortal through our works (even this blog is an example). We're not going to matter. Even if you're Frank Sinatra, or Seneca, you can't lavish on what you have built because you're dead. It's amazing to have honor though, it's something that I cherish, but even if I don't get what I want in life, I'd still be very grateful because knowing that me, my loved ones, and my family is going to one day, I get to experience it with them. When my grandma passed away, I thought of the times I did not make time to visit her. But I'm very thankful to grow with her. Life is very short, why not dance with it?
To end this page, I think happiness has something to do with peace and contentment. Though we still want to achieve our dreams, make more sales, matter within the scene we're in and rise above the pecking order, that's because we're human. When we got into our teenage years, we became anxious because that's when we started to desire. Because we're desiring machines.
I'm not saying we should not desire, I think we should because that's part of us. It's what makes us alive. When we transcend ourselves from suffering, from the desires that we have. What I am offering is we try not to have unlimited amounts of it because it can cripple us. It's like a rubber band going to multiple places waiting to break from being stretched too much.
I'm at a point in life that I'm very content. I have some work to do in the some areas in my life so that I can be free myself in those areas, but I would not change anything.
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